Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Breakdown

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody
All the people in the street
Walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my windows got a view
The frame i'm looking through
Seems to have no concern for now
So for now

I need this 
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
let me please Breakdown

This engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don't even make a sound
Cause it's gonna sting me when I leave this town
All the people in the street 
That I'll never get to meet
If these tracks don't bend somehow
And I got no time
That I got to get to
Where I don't need to be
So I

I need this 
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just 
Let me breakdown
I need this
Old train to breakdown
oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now 
Let me break on down

But you can't stop nothing
If you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind
That you kept in, you know
You don't know anything
But you don't need to know
The wisdoms in the trees 
Not the glass windows
You can't stop wishing
If you don't let go
But things that you find
And you lose, and you know
You keep on rolling 
Put the moment on hold
The frames too bright
So put the blinds down low

I need this 
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just 
Let me please breakdown
I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown 
I wanna break on down 
But i can't stop now

-Jack Johnson


Jealousy

Feeling bad and having hatred,
Towards an unsuspecting victim
Who maybe innocent.
Jealousy,making you feel discontent,
Twisting your tender heart,
Turning it to black,
Instead of a sparkling white.
What a pity...?
You don't deserve it.
Free your mind,
And see how healthy
And long lasting life
You would have.
Poet: Amadi Promise 

Everyone has had those days where you either want to break down and die or where anyone at any time could push you over the edge and you snap.  "Feeling bad and having hatred, towards an unsuspecting victim"  Someone could say the wrong thing and break you....

fallout

It all came so unexpectedly
One minute I'm in heaven
the next the rugs been pulled out from under my feet
I fell back to earth.
there was no warm greeting
no one to catch me
no one to tell me "hey it'll be alright"
it was kind of like "hahahahaha idiot"
You're living your life
I'm still stuck in the past
Kind of sucks
You don't even acknowledge me anymore
You told me I was the best thing to ever happen to you
I'm calling BS
You can't change your mind that quickly if I really was that important to you
But you know what? I should thank you
Even though I hate what happened you gave me something to learn
fallouts always happen whether it be sooner or later.
I'll always remember that
Go live your life and please be happy 
I still care about you a lot so I want you to be happy...
fallout sucks... I'm not going to let it happen again
screw you fallout... screw you



I don't want a conversation......

Dad: Hey son how are you doing today?
Son: ......good...... how are you?
Dad: I'm awesome thank you for asking bud!
Son: .........................
Dad: So your 5th birthday is in a couple weeks! what are you hoping you get?
Son: .........some cars......a batman.......a cape........a pillow pet...................little big planet.....
Dad: Wow! you know I think that this conversation is going to help!
Son: .............I don't want a conversation.......... I want a pillow pet.........
Dad: oh no no no no I mean this conversation we are having right now is going to help me a lot! thank you son!
Son: ............... I don't want thanks.............. or a conversation.............. I want a pillow pet...........
Dad: You're misunderstanding me son,  You know how me and you are talking right now?
Son: .......Yeah......
Dad: well this is called a conversation! and I'm thanking you for telling me what you want!
Son: But I already told you what I want..... and a thanking and conversation wasn't something I wanted.......................
Dad: Son I'm not getting you a conversation.  And I've already given you thanks.
Son: But I don't want thanks............. I want a pillow pet.......
Dad: *sigh* okay I won't get you a thanking or conversation... is that okay?
Son: Yeah........... as long as you don't get me a thanking or conversation or an okay...... I don't think i'll have fun with those.........
Dad: That's it i'm going out....
Son: Remember Daddy! no thankings or conversations or okays!
Dad: I'll get you whatever I feel like!!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Christmas i'm not looking forward to...

So my little brother is the youngest child... so he gets whatever he wants for Christmas.  Well this year he decided he was going to try to build a go-kart with his friends.  Needless to say they utterly failed.... The engine they took off of our old lawn mower caught on fire and is ruined so they have no engine.  Well my parents,  being the loving parents they are,  bought him a $300 dollar go-kart so he could have a nice Christmas.  At first I was happy for him but then my parents came over to me and said "so since we bought your little brother a go-kart we can't get you like anything this year so when you just get like a shirt and pants from us you can't be mad"......... well I'm pretty mad!! I mean I didn't want anything big this year but I like the surprise of Christmas.  I love getting something you didn't think you wanted but end up using a lot.... so I'm not really looking forward to Christmas this year.... I'm looking forward to the break and New Years!! but not Christmas.....

How to confuse a boy

How to confuse a boy

  1. Be a girl.

Thanksgiving

I had a vegan thanksgiving..... it sucked.... hard core...... I hate turkey and that's the only meat product that was available to me... so me and my dad ate the whole turkey..... but I hate turkey.... over all it was a pretty bad thanksgiving except the Redskins, Texans, and Patriots won!! that was good... except Rob Gronkowski didn't play... and I have him on my fantasy team.... but he didn't play so I benched him..... so not that good of a Slapsgiving... I mean Thanksgiving.

Slendermans chair


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

what drive me crazy

what drives me crazy? I'll tell you what drives me crazy!
  • When people send you forever long texts.  Just freaking call the person!!
  • One worded texts.  "hey so I think you're a really great person!"  "K".... okay so when you get hit by a bus i'm just going to be like "K"
  • When parents lecture you about doing something and then they turn around and do that exact same thing.  That's when I want to throw a bus at my parents.
  • Facebook.  I get on to check what's going on with family and close friends.  All of a sudden *BAM* one person will start liking all my pictures my statuses from like 2 months ago and I'm thinking to myself "whoa....... I hate this person 0_o 
  • 12 year olds talking about politics.  They don't know a thing about anything!! why the heck are you talking?!??!
  • People who hate how I met you mother.  I will end you.
  • Cat people.  I will end you.
  • People who like Jersey shore.  I will end you.
  • People who pretend to be your friend then stab you in the back.  I will end you.
  • People who say that Marvel is better than DC.  I will end you.
  • Math. I will end you.
  • Hipsters (no offense to anyon.......no you know what? take offense!!!)
  • People who use hashtags on facebook. I will end you!
That's not all of it but i'm to lazy to keep writing so hurray for you!!! you get to stop reading this crappy post! 

RUSH

"Any final words of advice?" she whispered?
The Lisp from her tongue stud tells me I was with Dani.
I instantly remember a dark room where I see the murderer looking at me through his ski mask threatening to kill me. Knowing we were in the same situation knowing the murderer had found me even after I had escaped... it's different this time though..... I know what's going on and sadly Mike and Dani don't know what they're in for.
I start "I don't remember much except for being in a dark room....."
Dani holds her hand up telling me she has already heard enough.
"You don't remember? well then you are useless to us.  We will just have to figure our own way out of this." She says.
"I went through this ten years ago!!" I scream at her "I am not useless I can help.  Let me help get us out of here!"
"Why? if you can't remember details about what this lunatic did then how can you help us?"
I about spill the secret that I have kept for so long.
Mike sitting in the corner can feel the tension rising and steps in.
"Then help us.  Tell us everything you can remember."
I was about to try as hard as I could to remember the story that I wanted to forget when we hear what sounds like a large metal door turning.
All of a sudden a bright light fills the room when I look up I notice that a door to the outside world has opened.  We all sprint to the opening all taking in deep breaths of fresh air.
Dani looks around when she realizes we are in a long hall with the roof taken off so we could see the stars.
"There is a door at the end of the hall" Mike says.  He looks at me seeing if this jogged my memory.
It did but I haven't shown that it did.
I start walking towards the door with Mike and Dani following close behind. This is the first time i get to look around at the surrounding area and myself.
I have a knife and gun the other two have the clothes on their backs.
I remember everything now.

I was hit over the head ten years ago on my way home from work.  I woke up strapped to a table that had surgical supplies next to it.  I panicked and started fidgeting to see if I could get out of the restraints.  A large door opened to my right and in walks a man wearing a ski mask and a suit holding a knife.  He looks at me and starts threatening to kill me for what I had done.  He told me I had one chance to prove that I didn't do it.  He held the blade to my neck.  I start begging him to spare me that I didn't know what I had done.  He laughed.  Looked me in the eye and said "That's what everyone else said." He raised the blade to stab me in the heart.  My hand became partially lose I pulled as hard as I could.  It came loose.  My hand grabbed the murderers arm.  I struggled with him when I finally knocked the blade out of his hand the murderer ran to grab it while I try to get my other hand free.  I look up and see he has grabbed the knife and is coming at me.  When gets to me I grabbed one of the scalpels and stabbed him in the eye.  He drops the knife on the table I am on.  I grab it and stab him in the chest he instantly falls to the ground and cries out in pain.  I get myself free and look down at the cold body of the man that just tried to kill me.  I walk out of the room down the hall and into a giant lobby.  I am in an old abandoned office building.  I start walking towards the doors when I collapse.  I wake up to the paramedics taking me away on a stretcher.  I couldn't remember where I was or why was there.

I stop dead in my tracks startling Dani and Mike.  "Are you alright?" Dani asks?
In one move I unholster my gun and shoot Dani in the heart.
Blood splatters on Mike.  The look on his face is of pure horror.  He looks up at me and falls to his knees begging me to not shoot him. I laugh and say "that's what everyone else said" *BANG* A lifeless corpse hits the ground.  Pools of blood start growing as I stare at the bodies.  I laugh quietly and turn to walk away.  I remember everything now.  I kidnapped both Mike and Dani in the intentions of killing them.  I had put us in that small room and put the door on a timer so it would open.  I needed to kill again.  I had done this so I could kill.  So i could have that rush again.  I had it but it was already gone.  I needed to kill again.  I walked to the door opened it and there I was in the same lobby where the murderer had taken me.  I walked out of the partially destroyed building and headed towards the park across the street to pick out my next two victims and plan how I would do it all again.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Little Lion Man

Weep for yourself my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep Little Lion Man
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on all fixing all the problems
That you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I my dear?
Didn't I my.....

Tremble for yourself my man
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble Little Lion Man
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I my dear?

Ahhhhhhh........


But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I my dear?

Didn't I my dear?


I remember...... or do I?

Do I really remember? I'm not sure.... I mean I remember a lot of stuff like my first kiss, my first dog, my little brother being born.  But the thing that still haunts me, that makes me scared every time I get in a car I'm not sure if I really do remember...

In 2003 we were driving up as a family to my aunts house for a visit.  My dad was driving my mom had shotgun.  My older sister and little brother were in the middle of the car and me and my older brother were in the back.  All I remember is my dad yelling "hold on!!" the next thing I remember I was climbing into the back of the ambulance looking back at the devastating car crash.  from what my parents told me this is how the car accident happened.

We were driving up to my aunts house in Layton going northbound.  Southbound traffic was at a standstill.  A man in a suburban was talking to his friend not paying attention to the road in front of him.  When he realized that he was going to fast and wouldn't stop in time to miss the guy in front of him he swerved into on coming traffic flipping his car hitting 3 cars in front of us my dad swerved so that the rolling suburban wouldn't hit us head on but he hit the car in front of us and that hit us on the front right side of the car.  Our car was destroyed no one died but everyone was left with scars and trauma.  My dad had his arm cut open from his tricep down to his forearm.  My mom and I got a concussion.  My older sister and brother got whiplash that reversed the angle of their neck.  My little brother got cuts all over his head from the broken glass.  When the paramedics showed up they asked which car we were in.  When we told him that we were in the mini van all of their jaws dropped all of them told us that from the look of the car that no one should have survived the crash.

 I don't remember anything from the week after.. I have been told that I only asked question and that I didn't talk.  I don't have memories of my own of the car accident but I have my families memories and that is all i'll ever have.  Sometimes I wish I remembered but at the same time I don't it's scarred me and i don't really want to remember.

Why?

Why am I always late on my Blog posts? I dunno I can probably make a list why....

1. I am probably one of the laziest people you will ever meet
2. I find a way to get out of it
3. I "forget'
4. I don't want to do them......

I mean I like writing but sometimes it seems so tedious.... it seems so boring.... I seem so boring.. I mean look at my other blog posts.  all of them suck.  I am not good like half the kids in this class.  When we go to the computer lab and look at other peoples blogs i see them and i think to myself "Why can't I be that good?...." pisses me off why are some people so flipping talented?? and why did I get the short end of the stick and suck at writing? at everything as a matter of fact....

that one word.......

Disappointment- there are so many people I have disappointed.  That is one of my biggest fears.  Letting someone down that you love and care about.  I hate that feeling and when I let someone down I hate myself.  It is the worst feeling and right now I have that disappointed feeling because I let my parents down.  The one word that hit me the most when my dad was talking to me was " this is so disappointing" what I heard though is "you have disappointed me" to be honest when I heard that I got the feeling that I am not good enough that I am a horrible person for disappointing someone I love. I don't have anything else to say other than I will rise up from this I will get stronger.  I will not disappoint you again.  

Sunday, September 30, 2012

TV

I watch TV.  A lot of TV.  I watch shows ranging from CSI (the original and New York) to Face Off a show about Movie costumes and make ups.  I also hate some TV shows.  Like Lost and Friends. I don't know why I don't like those shows but I just don't.  One show that I started watching recentlyish is How I Met Your Mother.  If you have not watched this show go home netflix it and watch it.  It is one of the funniest shows I have ever seen with some of the most quotable lines I've ever heard.

My Mind?

What's on my mind? Well I'm a scatter-brained person so a lot of things are on my mind like what I did today, what I'm going to eat for breakfast,  what I'm going to do in my classes tomorrow,  how I need to get a job.  Stuff like that.  But one thing has recently been on my mind a lot.  My friends.  last year almost everyday i would be hanging out with my friends swimming goofing around playing football doing random things that just came to us.  But during the summer I never really hung out with them so we kind of grew apart and I haven't hung out with them since school started.  My other group of friends had some...... complications and I got in a fight with one of my friends and everybody sided with him and I lost that group of friends.  So really i haven't had a group of friends for awhile and I learned that yeah it kind of sucks that I'm not out every Friday night hanging out but I realized that I didn't really know my family because I was out every Friday night and I missed so many dinners so many parties and I'm kind of thankful that I don't hang out as often anymore so I'm thankful for this prompt just because I can actually talk about what's on my mind.  My "friends" and family.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

BYU Vs. Utah

I thought that BYU was going to win.  It was a horrible way to end the game but Utah played a good game and was better and didn't make as many mistakes.  I was at a friends house watching the end of the game and when Riley Stephenson kicked that ball and it started curving and looked so good everybody at my friends house erupted in cheers for the overtime we thought was coming when someone said "guys it didn't go through.  It hit the up right" we all went silent holding our heads. It was a bitter way to end the night but Utah played a good game and most BYU fans underestimated Utah saying that because they lost to Utah St. that it would be an easy win for BYU but Utah played there hearts out and won a good game.  So congratulations to the Utah Utes and all there fans until we play you again stay a good team.

love

Dear Love,

 Why the heck are you so confusing?? Why won't you work for me? How come my parents and older brother and sister know what you are and I don't?? if you could answer me these questions it would be much appreciated.  

-confused boy.

So as you can guess I have no idea what love is.  My parents told me that i'll know what love is when i meet my wife for the first time..... but what if i've already met her? i haven't felt that "feeling" yet so i don't think i've met her just because i don't think my parents would lie to me about something they feel so strongly about... 

I asked my sister who has been married for 2 years now and she said that love is different for every person.  My sister and her husband joke around all the time calling each other idiots and talking to each other in baby voices and that is how they show each other that they love each other.  But my parents don't do that to each other so I guess that what my sister said is true to.  

I also asked my Older Brother who got married this last June.  He told me that Love is the way you know who you should be with for the rest of your life even though he met his wife online.... 

I don't know what love for someone outside of my family so hopefully eventually I will learn what it is when I meet my wife.

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Utah State Aggies VS. The Utah Utes

When it happened i couldn't believe it.  I thought that i was going to wake up any second I was so happy.  The unbeatable Utah defense had just been beaten by a team in the WAC about to go to the Moutain West Conference.  everybody was saying that Utah was going to blow Utah St. out of the water even aggies fans.  I thought that it was going to be a close game but that Utah would win.  I watched the whole game thinking that the utes were in trouble when the Aggies went up by 13 but the Utes came right back and it was tied up and when the Aggies scored the Utes scored.  I was thinking that Utah would cause a turnover and score and finish the game but the Aggies stayed in there holding off the Utes.  When the game went into overtime i was for sure that the Utes would stop the Aggies and the game would be over with just a field goal but the Aggies scored and then the next thing i remember is the Utah State fans storming the field and the look of disbelief on the Utes and fans players.  I myself am a BYU fan and was happy for the Aggies but that got me thinking that when BYU plays the Utes up in Salt lake that the Utes will be out for blood wanting to win that game more than anything.  And it also got me thinking what will happen when Utah St. comes down to Provo to play the Cougars? Will they play as hard as they did on Friday? or will BYU be dominant a lot of questions came out of that win and they'll be answered on September 15th and October 5th.

Humans

Humans are the only species that can use irrational means to come to a solution.  I know i am a human because I know how it is to be sad how it is to be happy, mad, excited, depressed.  I don't think that robots know how it is to feel emotions.  I can say i am a human because i've done some stupid things that had to happen in order for me to become who I am today.  From what i've learned about robots most are evil and i'm pretty sure i'm not an evil person just saying.  to prove i am a human being I will tell you some memories that i've had that can prove i'm a human.  The earliest memory i have of my birthday was my 5th birthday.  My dad had told me that he had a big surprise for me and that it would be a new experience for me.  He came into my room and woke me up at about 3 in the morning and said that we had to go he didn't say where he just sounded urgent.  I got in the car sat in my car seat and fell asleep again.  When I woke up i was going 100 miles per hour down I-15 and was confused because we just passed a big sign that said welcome to fabulous Las Vegas.  I had never heard of the place so i asked my dad who seemed to ignore me because he was singing Disney songs.  My mom put on a movie for me and i watched the Lion King and still I had no clue that the surprise for me was that my parents were taking me to Disneyland.  When we finally arrived to our destination i was confused seeing the sign that said "Welcome to Disneyland" I looked at my dad and said "I didn't know that there was a Disneyland in Utah!" he told me that we were in California and that this was my surprise for my birthday.  That is still my favorite place on earth and my favorite birthday I have ever had.  I remember feeling so happy and excited for the new adventure that my parents had given to me. 

Friday, August 31, 2012

My name is Blüdhaven. It is a fictional city.  I am not the worlds biggest fan of writing to tell you the truth I took this class to get the English credit and because I loved nelsons English class when i was a sophomore and he's become one of my favorite teachers.  But since Nelson has talked about it so much I've been kind of excited to start writing and to actually learn how to write and have fun with this class and hopefully i go from being a tourist to being a resident.  hopefully.  Well all i have left to say is go cougars!!